I have been meaning to post this thing that I read in the express last week about the Vatican updating the seven deadly sins. It lends itself to all sorts of comments but I will just let them speak for themselves:
The New Seven Deadly Sins
1. Polluting The Environment
2. Genetic Engineering
3. Being Obscenely Rich
4. Dealing Drugs
5. Abortion
6. Pedophilia
7. Causing Social Injustice
I want them to make a sequel to the movie “Seven” called “Fourteen.” A comedy about the calculated and methodical plans of a genius serial killer. Just as he is about to execute his master plan the Vatican changes the sins up on him. “Dough! Foiled again.” We could all laugh as he scrambles to change up his elaborate plans to kill off some drug dealing, genetic scientist, litterbugs. Starring Ben Stiller.
Speaking of the underlying humor behind the Law of God, I recently watch the documentary “For The Bible Tells Me So.” I learned that not only is it an abomination to be gay, but also to wear linen with wool, and to eat shrimp. Wow!
I would like to close the gap between when new religions form from older ones. Instead of hundreds of years I would like to change and create religions on my own whim and on my own time-line. I will take a cue from Joseph Smith who wondered into the forest one day and low and behold found the rest of the bible! Presto! You can have more than one wife and we’ll call it Mormonism, or Mohammad who went into the desert and Kablamers! Hey look the rest of the bible. God forgot to tell you all that “I” am the end all be all prophet of all time. The birth of Islam, 600 years after Jesus was crucified. Maybe it slipped God’s mind. He was busy creating the Linen Shrimp Law.
So when I form my new religion I think I too will happen upon “the rest of the bible,” which I think I will find in… say, the bathroom at work. Blamo! Hey look under the toilet in the stall on the left. What is this? The rest of the bible! Lucky me, let’s see what does it say?
1. Use common sense
2. Allow yourself to be capable of rational thought
3. Think for yourself and don’t follow blindly
4. Don’t discriminate and violate the civil rights of others because you are ignorant and scared
5. Above all things enjoy eating shrimp. They are delicious!
These are not my words they are the Law Of God as found in the bathroom of my office. What do you think? I am going to call it the religion of Common Sense and Decency. I wonder if it will catch on?
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: Abortion, Being Obscenely Rich, Causing Social Injustice, Christianity, Dealing Drugs, Genetic Engineering, Islam, Joseph Smith, Mohammad, Mormon, Muslim, Pedophilia, Polluting The Environment, religion of Common Sense, The New Seven Deadly Sins, The Vatican
Yet another religion where I’m going to hell. I don’t eat shrimp.
It wouldn’t be a real religion if it didn’t exclude somebody. Once you feel ostracize enough you can break off and start your own religion. We’ll set aside some land for all the “Avocado-Tarians”
I did find the rest of the bible in the produce section at Fred Meyer.
I made the mistake if reading this before school on Wednesday and all I could do was think about how awesome Fourteen would be.
I’m sticking with what I said before, esspecially since I watched Seven last night. Fourteen would make for a pretty awesome movie. I think you should go ahead and make it (but can we keep Morgan Freeman in it please?)