Consumption Junction, What’s Your Function?

It is a rare occurrence when I end up running errands with my mother but sometimes it happens. We stopped by the grocery store, the mall and the post office on our way to Best Buy. We planned to finish things off at Borders AND Barnes & Noble. This is how I got roped in. Somewhere in the past few weeks I have become a giant book worm. So, my role for most of the excursion was to sit in the car and read, which is fine. I am trying to get my head above water with the reading eight books at the same time project. I have imposed this project on myself because I thought it would be a fun challenge, but it has gotten away from me and is now the reading twelve books at the same time project which is proving to be more daunting than something to do for fun.

Anyway, while we were in Best Buy, I turned in my Ipod to the Geek Squad to be fixed, for the fourth time. I have discovered that the Geek Squad are not actually a team of technology savvy geeks. They are just nerds with very minimal customer service skills and a lot of gel in their hair. They are not really that helpful.

I am not helpful either. Especially when my mother tells me that she wants the new album by the artist that she calls “the guy from American Idol who does the beat box?” 

Who?

In order to help Karen, the employee that was trying to help my mom, who knew who he was, but couldn’t think of the name either, I listed off every single person that I could think of that had come from American Idol. Clay Aiken, Rubben Studdard, Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Anastasia and just for kicks I threw in Justin but I felt like that was going to far. All of which I knew were not “the guy from American Idol who does the beat box?” It occurred to me later that naming Simon or Paula would have been funnier. They did not get the joke. Maybe I should have said Randy Jackson?

So the three of us were at a loss for the name of “the guy from American Idol who does the beat box?” and my mother said that we should ask one of the “young” people because they would know, and I thought, Well shit, I am officially out of touch because even though I am sure that I would not want to listen to “the guy from American Idol who does the beat box?” I should probably know his name, or at least who he is. You know like be able to picture him in my head but I know nothing about it at all… whatsoever, nothing, nada, never did.

The skinny, brace faced teenage girl at the register was my mother’s chosen “young” person to bestow the pop-knowledge that we pop-seeked. Here is the exchange that took place:

Mom: Excuse me, what is the name of “the guy from American Idol who does the beat box?”

Girl: I don’t know

Mom: You don’t know? What’s wrong with you?

Girl: What’s wrong with me? I don’t watch American Idol

Me: Hmmm? (eyeing her suspiciously)

Mom: What’s wrong with American Idol?

Girl: I don’t have time to watch any T.V. I have school and I work thirty hours a week and I have a boyfriend that I have to spend time with.

Me: He makes you spend time with him? 

Girl: Yeah

Me: Hmmm? (eyeing her suspiciously)

Girl: He works thirty hours a week too.

Me: But does he know who “the guy from American Idol who does the beat box” is?

Girl: No

The rest of our brief interaction was a typical customer/employee exchange with maybe, a subtext of irritation but I am not sure. There is always a slight malaise when I am out with my mother, I just can never tell where it’s coming from. It’s like being under the florescent lights at Wal-Mart for too long.

Borders did not have any of the books I wanted. Neither did Barnes & Noble. I guess that is a good thing. My Ipod will be in the shop for the next four to six weeks, again. I still don’t know who “the guy from American Idol who does the beat box” is? But my mother did get the sixth season of Monk on DVD. That quirky OCD detective, Isn’t Tony Shalhoub fun!

(Disclaimer: At no point in the ”excursion” did the writer feel that he was cooler or better in anyway for his lack of knowledge or not lack of knowledge of… the long running television show American Idol.)